I got the flashes again and they got worse this time! A new kind I’ve never gotten before…and I saw the whole thing this time! Why is my life like this?! One moment of happiness followed by unending pain and sorrow. Why can’t I just have a normal life like every other person? I’m up today, down for the next five days. I’m really fed up! It would have been a little bearable if I was the only one but to put Wemimo through all this is really breaking my heart! We were together when the whole thing happened and he’s been with me ever since. He even thinks its his fault! Oh dear!
I called him and asked to hang out with him this evening because he has to travel to Milan for a job tomorrow. I wish I hadn’t suggested it in the first place! Wemimo had been going on and on about wanting to watch his team’s EPL match and we agreed he’d watch at my place. We even joked about his team’s lack of form since Moyes took over. His club lost again so we decided to just stay indoors and watch movies instead of going out. Other than the loss, every other thing was going fine. Until he tried to kiss me.
I’m not exactly the most experienced when it comes to guys but I’ve never heard of a case where a mere kiss brings back so much pain. It was like the whole thing was happening all over! Oh my God! The gory pictures! Everything flashed before my eyes. I’m a victim of abuse and I had no idea! Wemimo thinks I can’t remember anything because I just bottled my emotions and didn’t deal with them as I should have. I don’t know what to think anymore! How can I not know I was raped?! Is it even possible to block memories? Now I have to deal with two losses…my parents and my innocence. I remember it all except his face…it wasn’t a one-time thing…The bastard kept going at it! I can hear his voices…all the evil mean things he said…the vile things he kept saying. I swear I didn’t lead him on! He said I wanted him and I made him come get me…he said I made him do it..I didn’t! I swear I didn’t! How could I?!
I can’t deal with this anymore…I just can’t! If Wemimo wasn’t here I just might have ended it all…its not like my life is of any value. He’s been watching me since..it think he knows what I’m thinking of doing. Where do I get strength from when he leaves! I need you here… Come meet with me…please…help me stay sane. I need you!