Oh dear! The nightmares are back? I thought they had stopped! I can’t even find the right words to comfort you with. I knew this was serious but I had no idea things were this bad. You told me bits and pieces of the dreams and that you’d tell it all when you felt strong enough but never the full story.
This is really scary. And to think you stay on your own…all by yourself! You really need to get help. I am your friend but I’m not trained to deal with trauma of this magnitude. A psychologist is your best bet, love. What if the nightmares get worse and you see things you can’t deal with?! You have to see someone trained for this.
Losing someone you love isn’t easy to deal with but 2 people? In such a tragic way? That’s too much for anyone to deal with. Your relatives shouldn’t have left you all by yourself. Especially with this state you are in psychologically. I only haven’t been in touch with my folks and its killing me! So I can’t begin to imagine the state your mind is!
At this point I need to plead with you not to do anything irrational. When you told me sometime ago that you’d hunt down whoever killed your parents and do same to him, I was convinced I had talked you out of it but I’m not so sure anymore now that the dreams are back. I beg you, don’t do anything that’d put you in trouble with the law. You’re probably thinking you’d find closure when you get your revenge but it doesn’t necessarily work that way dear. You’d still have that person’s death on your conscience. I really need to talk to you. I don’t think mails can help at this point.
I’m really sorry I haven’t been able to reply your all your mails these past weeks. I guess I just needed time to think about my life and all.I needed a little break and it worked… I’m fine, dear. Better than fine. I understand your worry but its really nothing.
You would never totally get how I feel unless you go through same (and I pray you don’t). I still feel really angry and have a lot of pent-up emotions that I just shelved aside but I’m gradually letting go. I am angry at the bastard that killed my parents and ruined my life…I’m angry at myself for not being able to remember the important details… I’m angry my relatives didn’t stick with me when I needed them ….I’m angry at the world. And I guess I’m scared. Scared what I’d find out would be too much to handle…scared it might somehow be my fault they’re gone…so I’d rather let it be.
So yes, the only way I feel I can get a little peace is to hunt down this evil person and do to him what he did to me. I was considering taking everything he loves one by one and make him suffer as much as I am but I realised I would be no better than him. So I’m settling for the better of two evils…dealing with him…I don’t know how but I’m having fun thinking of all the things i could do. (Oh my God! I sound like a sadistic psychopath!) . I’m still not seeing a shrink…All they do is poke into someone’s head and take. advantage of their vulnerability. We see it on tv and in books.
Let’s put all this negative vibes away..its not good to have so much negatives in the air and I have just the right thing to send them away. While I was taking my little time off I met a guy… And this sounds really strange considering we just met but I think he’s THE ONE.